Thirty things I learned from porn!

[Rochard]

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70’s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.
14. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they “high five” each other.(and the girl isn’t disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don’t exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes,the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.
19. There’s a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches… or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man’s cock, it’s important for him to remind her to “suck it”.
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a womans butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don’t have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.

[Wiggles]

haha those are awesome!

[born2blog]

LMAO, funny list Rochard!!

#31. women go nuts over an erected cock that suddenly appears out of the wall while they are taking a shit in a public restroom instead of reacting with anger and infuriation, like it's just some normal thing that happens all the time

[aico]

nice list.

[sonic]

Those are sooooo true !

[DonovanTrent]

Those are good, but as with any rules, there are exceptions. In particular...

14. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.

Mostly true except for Nick Manning, who yells some variation of "DROPPIN FUCKIN LOADS ON HER GODDAMN FACE AND SHE LOVES IT THE FUCKIN SLUT."

Nobody has ever been able to explain why. Here's a soundboard for some fun.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/413505

[mikesinner]

lol, those are great.

[seeandsee]

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70’s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.
14. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they “high five” each other.(and the girl isn’t disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don’t exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes,the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.
19. There’s a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches… or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man’s cock, it’s important for him to remind her to “suck it”.
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a womans butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don’t have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.

hahahaha i bolded best for me

[Footman]

LMAO!

Definitely have to share this with some friends

[lazzlo]

funny ass list and that sound board is awesome! lololol

[pf69.com]

that is a classic!!

[Jasun]

1. the plumber is always gay
2. the mechanic is always gay
3. the pizza delivery guy is always gay
4. all men wear jock straps
5. the taxi driver is always gay
6. no matter how big the dick, it slides right up the guy's asshole with just a little spit
7. the repair man is always gay
8. straight guys will suck dick if you just say "c'mon and try it."
9. condoms magically appear just when you need them
10. the entire baseball team is always gay

[DonovanTrent]

1. the plumber is always gay
2. the mechanic is always gay
3. the pizza delivery guy is always gay
4. all men wear jock straps
5. the taxi driver is always gay
6. no matter how big the dick, it slides right up the guy's asshole with just a little spit
7. the repair man is always gay
8. straight guys will suck dick if you just say "c'mon and try it."
9. condoms magically appear just when you need them
10. the entire baseball team is always gay

#10 is true.

[terrisummers1]

ow how horribly true!!!

nr 17: Keni Styles is doing his best trying to proof that Asian men do actually excist!

[voanoa]

Some very interesting list of facts about porn.