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Baxter
07-18-2003, 12:53 AM
Love thy neighber huh

bastards...LOL

A beautiful young woman gets out of the shower, wraps a towel around her form and tells her husband that he can get in the shower. As he enters the shower, the doorbell rings.

The wife says she'll get the door and goes downstairs.

When she opens the door, she sees her neighbor, Bill, whose mouth opens wide at the sight of her shimmering form.

He pulls out two one hundred dollar bills and tells her that they are hers if she will just let the towel fall to her waist.

She thinks why not and drops the towel down and takes the money.

Bill gasps at the sight and shows her two more hundreds and offers them if she will just let the towel go altogether.

She thinks she has come this far so what the heck and drops the towel to the ground.

Bill looks for a minute, thanks her and leaves.

When she got back upstairs, her husband had completed his shower and asks her who was at the door. She says just Bill.

The husband replies, "Did he say anything about the $400 he owes me?"

Baxter
07-18-2003, 12:54 AM
A noted therapist realizes that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devises a test to tell for certain how often someone has sex. To prove his theory, he fills up an auditorium with people, and goes down the line, asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person's smile, the therapist is able to guess accurately until he comes to the last man in line, who is grinning from ear to ear.

"Twice a day," the therapist guesses, but is surprised when the man says no. "Once a day, then?" Again the answer is no. "Twice a week?" "No." "Twice a month?" "No." The man finally says yes when the doctor gets to "once a year".

The therapist is angry that his theory isn't working, and asks the man, "What the heck are you so happy about?"

The man answers, "Tonight's the night!"

Baxter
07-18-2003, 12:55 AM
A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman.

"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price."

Baxter
07-18-2003, 12:55 AM
A boy comes home from school one day, and he says to his mother, "Mom, today I got laid."

The mother is, of course, shocked and says to the boy, "What did you say?
Go upstairs to your room and don't come out until your father gets home."

So, the father comes home and the mother says to the father, "Why don't you go upstairs and ask your son what he's been doing today?"

So the father walks up the stairs and gets up there, slams the door and says, "Son, what did you do today?"

And the son said, "Dad, today I got laid."

The father is really proud of his son and all, and he says to his son, "Son, that's great. You're becoming a man. So, how did you like it?"

And the son said, "Dad, it was great, but next time I'm using vaseline, my butt's killing me."

Mr. Goat
07-18-2003, 12:57 AM
:rofl:

i love the first one! :)

Baxter
07-18-2003, 01:19 AM
John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed.

His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen.

Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into he room and asked him to "take this note to your beautiful Mommy."

The note read:
The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.

Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son to take this to your silly Daddy.

The note read:
Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.

John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply. Then, he asked his son to take it back to "the lady in the kitchen."

The note read:
The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.

Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to take this to the poor dude upstairs."

The note read:
I'm Sure That Your Pole's The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
Do It By Hand!

Baxter
07-18-2003, 01:20 AM
A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"

"To kill my husband."

"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"

The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position

The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.

He takes the photo and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription.

wargames
07-18-2003, 02:56 PM
:lol1: