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View Full Version : Sunday's Joke by LAZZLO



lazzlo
08-14-2010, 04:39 PM
Two peanuts walked down the street, and one was assaulted.

:iorun:

lazzlo
08-14-2010, 04:40 PM
wait its still saturday, nevermind!

JerseyGTO
08-14-2010, 04:43 PM
Drinking Already I see :lol1:

Aišo
08-14-2010, 05:04 PM
A man sits at the bar and keeps hearing a little voice telling him how great he looks, after hearing it several times and not seeing anyone around him he finally asks the bartender if he hears it as well, the bartender says "Oh that's just the peanuts, they are complimentary".

deej
08-14-2010, 05:13 PM
Two guys walk into a heavy metal bar. One looks at the other and says, "I didnt see it either..."

pf69.com
08-14-2010, 05:24 PM
Two guys walk into a heavy metal bar. One looks at the other and says, "I didnt see it either..."

that is too funny!!!!

DonovanTrent
08-14-2010, 05:31 PM
Grasshopper walks into a bar, bartender says "hey buddy, we got a drink named after you." Grasshopper says "really, you got a drink called George?"

lazzlo
08-14-2010, 05:41 PM
Four fags are sitting in a hot tub. They notice some sperm rising to the surface. One fag says, "Ok, who farted?"

JerseyGTO
08-14-2010, 05:41 PM
Two guys walk into a heavy metal bar. One looks at the other and says, "I didnt see it either..."

Ok I gotta start drinkin I just got that.. :lol1:

PurrsianPussyKat
08-14-2010, 06:15 PM
Here's one for you lazzzzzzzzz.

You can tune a piano, but you can't tune a fish!

lazzlo
08-14-2010, 06:31 PM
looooolol

born2blog
08-14-2010, 08:09 PM
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"

born2blog
08-14-2010, 08:10 PM
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

JerseyGTO
08-14-2010, 08:13 PM
Horse walks into a bar bartender asks " hey why the long face? "

deej
08-14-2010, 08:34 PM
Ok, mixing it up and giving you a long one. This one won me a fre badge to the phx forum a few years back.




A guy walks into a bar carrying a brown paper bag.

He sits on a stool at the bar and ask the bartender for a drink.

As the bartender brings the guy his drink, he reaches into his paper bag and pulls out a tiny piano. Sits it on the bar. Reaches back into the bag and pulls out an equally small bench seat.

Amazed, the bartender looks at it and ask if it really works.

Without saying a word the guy reaches back into the bag and pulls out a tiny little man about a foot tall. He sets the little man down and he goes right to his piano and starts playing a rousing refrain of cer' dulac.

The bartender just astonished asks the guy, "Where in gods name did you get a little man and a little piano??"

The guy reaches once again into his paper bag and pulls out a genies lamp.

"I found this and I rubbed it and a Genie came out, he gave me one wish."

The bartenders eyes widened and he says, "Ill buy all your drinks tonight if you let me make a wish!"

The guy gives the bartender the lamp and the bartender immediately starts rubbing the lamp to get the genie to come out.

With a whoosh the genie emerges in a puff of blue smoke.

"You have released me, I shall grant you one wish!" said the genie.

Without hesitating, the bartender blurts out, " I WANT A MILLION BUCKS!"

The genie claps his hands and says, " Your wish is my command!" and as quick as he whooshed in, he was gone, back into his lamp.

So there they both sit. No stack of cash.

But then a duck walks in..... and another....and another.....they just keep piling in.

Soon the whole bar is riddled with ducks....quacking everywhere. Feathers and bills gaggling about.

The bartender, getting a bit perturbed looks at the guy and says, "Man, I think your genie is deaf as shit, I dont want all these fuckin ducks in here!!"


The guy looks at him equally disgruntled and says....


NO SHIT!! You really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?!?!

DonovanTrent
08-14-2010, 09:58 PM
Similar joke, instead of a little piano, the guy orders a drink and a little man jumps out of his shirt pocket, runs over to his drink, kicks it over and jumps back in his shirt pocket. Happens a few times, genie, wished for 12 inch dick.

lazzlo
08-14-2010, 10:00 PM
Ok, mixing it up and giving you a long one. This one won me a fre badge to the phx forum a few years back.




A guy walks into a bar carrying a brown paper bag.

He sits on a stool at the bar and ask the bartender for a drink.

As the bartender brings the guy his drink, he reaches into his paper bag and pulls out a tiny piano. Sits it on the bar. Reaches back into the bag and pulls out an equally small bench seat.

Amazed, the bartender looks at it and ask if it really works.

Without saying a word the guy reaches back into the bag and pulls out a tiny little man about a foot tall. He sets the little man down and he goes right to his piano and starts playing a rousing refrain of cer' dulac.

The bartender just astonished asks the guy, "Where in gods name did you get a little man and a little piano??"

The guy reaches once again into his paper bag and pulls out a genies lamp.

"I found this and I rubbed it and a Genie came out, he gave me one wish."

The bartenders eyes widened and he says, "Ill buy all your drinks tonight if you let me make a wish!"

The guy gives the bartender the lamp and the bartender immediately starts rubbing the lamp to get the genie to come out.

With a whoosh the genie emerges in a puff of blue smoke.

"You have released me, I shall grant you one wish!" said the genie.

Without hesitating, the bartender blurts out, " I WANT A MILLION BUCKS!"

The genie claps his hands and says, " Your wish is my command!" and as quick as he whooshed in, he was gone, back into his lamp.

So there they both sit. No stack of cash.

But then a duck walks in..... and another....and another.....they just keep piling in.

Soon the whole bar is riddled with ducks....quacking everywhere. Feathers and bills gaggling about.

The bartender, getting a bit perturbed looks at the guy and says, "Man, I think your genie is deaf as shit, I dont want all these fuckin ducks in here!!"


The guy looks at him equally disgruntled and says....


NO SHIT!! You really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?!?!

lulz!

smiley
08-15-2010, 11:28 AM
:lolol:

i love this thread...